


Misfire

by Cumberbatch Critter (CumberbatchCritter)



Series: Alvin and Jude - Their Epic Bromance [1]
Category: Tales of Xillia
Genre: Alternate Universe, Betrayal, Bromance, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Guns, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Or Altered Universe actually, Sickfic, Spoilers if you haven't finished the game, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-06
Updated: 2015-07-28
Packaged: 2018-01-18 11:06:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1426225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CumberbatchCritter/pseuds/Cumberbatch%20Critter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Alvin had shot <i>Jude </i>?</p><p>Altered moment in the game and the ramifications that follow. Spoilers for ToX if you haven't finished it!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue - Mistake

**Author's Note:**

> Spoiler alert!
> 
> So, after Milla's apparent death, we all know what Alvin did to Jude and Leia. Personally, I don't think Alvin would have shot either of them, but they were all in a bad place and yes, we know what happened. So, my Alvin/Jude bromance mind wondered... what would have happened if he had shot Jude instead of Leia? And thus... I decided to write this.

Fear.

He didn't have fear.

After losing Milla, losing sight of his mission, Jude didn't have something like _fear_ when he stared down the barrel of Alvin Vint Svent's gun. He had already lost everything that he had come to know. Despite Leia telling him that Milla would want him to live, Jude didn't see the point: Milla had been wrong, Milla was gone. Everything that had been Jude's fire was gone and waiting for Alvin to shoot him drew forth no response.

Leia, she was stubborn. Jude was peaceful to accept death from the hand of a traitorous friend, but Leia didn't want him to experience it. Instead, she dragged him to and from and tried to escape him, tried to get him to just _live_...

Jude didn't want to anymore.

Pain.

Several things happened at once.

There was an echoing crack. Jude felt pain, even stronger and more demanding than his own depression, slicing through him. Leia screamed.

There was warmth, then. Stomach. Jude numbly reached his fingers to the warmth blossoming there, found his fingers stained with red when he pulled them away. Realised, dully, it was blood. The pain, the blood... everything made sense. He'd been shot. Alvin had shot him.

 _Alvin_ had _shot him_.

"Jude!"

Jude crumbled backwards, hitting the ground hard. It knocked the breath out of him and he couldn't catch it back. Vaguely, he could make out the voices above him.

"Jude? Jude! Wake up! Jude, listen to me! Jude!" It was Leia's frantic voice that he mostly heard, but somewhere, faint, off in the background, there was another voice.

"I... Jude. I didn't... mean to."

"How can you shoot someone without meaning to!?" Leia shrieked.

It made Jude's head hurt and he moaned, trying to curl over onto his side to escape the pain and the loud and the light. Bright light exploded beneath his eyelids. Was he dying? He pried his eyes open and saw the light gleaming from the ground, intricate runes glowing within the grass and dirt. Strength rushed back into his veins, only to be depleted as soon as he felt it, he thought. Healing arte, he imagined, but... why wasn't it helping...? Or was it...? Jude couldn't tell.

"I..."

"Get away from him!"

Jude wanted to tell them to stop arguing, but, where was the point? Thousands of people argued everyday, would continue to argue everyday and ruin lives for absolutely nothing. He was just one of those statistics. It wasn't surprising. It happened all the time.

It didn't matter.

Nothing really did, did it? In the long run?

Jude kept his eyes closed and waited for the end to take him. Maybe, in his eternal sleep, he would be able to see Milla once again.

 


	2. Consciousness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jude comes back around, and so does Alvin.

Jude woke up to the sound of... thunder. It sounded like thunder, anyway. He was taken back to the evening under the cliff overhang with Milla, the pendant, and the thunder and rain echoing in his ears.

He ached all over. A different type of ache than what he had been feeling that rainy evening with Milla. That had been... exhaustion. Exertion. This was... pain.

"Jude? Sweetheart?"

Jude pried his eyes open weakly, trying to focus on the surroundings and not on his past. His body didn't want to work with him. He tried a few attempts before giving up.

"Jude, honey, can you open your eyes?"

There was only one person in the world who called him 'honey' and that was his mom. And the last thing he remembered... well, he didn't remember much right now, but it was slowly coming back. And he was pretty sure he hadn't been in Leronde, or anywhere near it.

"Mom...?" he rasped, unsticking his tongue from the top of his mouth. Why did everything _hurt_ so _much_?

"Jude? Yes, honey, it's me. Can you open your eyes? You're at the clinic."

Jude finally, _finally_ managed to force his eyes open, flinching from the light surrounding him. "What..." Time is it? What day is it? What happened to everyone else? Those were questions on his tongue, but he settled with "... happened?"

"Jude!"

He winced at the loud voice and the squeak of the clinic door being opened, squeezing his eyes tightly shut.

"Oh, sorry! I didn't know you were awake," Leia said, hurrying over to the side of the bed. "Nobody told me! I just heard your voice as I walked by. How are you feeling?"

Jude opened one eye and then the other tentatively. Leia's worried face swam into view. "... Hey," he mumbled, smiling weakly. "I'm... okay."

"You were shot, Jude," Ellen said gently. "Do you remember?"

"By Alvin," Leia added. Her voice was punctuated only by anger.

Suddenly, it all came rushing back. Alvin finding him, threatening to kill him. Jude had never really thought he was serious and if he was... well, he didn't care. But... he had... actually... _shot_ him...? How...

"I don't know why we can't call the authorities!" Leia announced. "He's trespassing and being a nuisance."

Jude slowly flicked his gaze back to her. "What...?"

She made a face. "The traitor's been sitting on the doorstep ever since I brought you here. He won't leave."

Jude blinked slowly. "Alvin's... here?"

"Don't worry, honey," Ellen started, but Jude weakly waved her concerns away.

"Mom... stop," he mumbled. "I can... take care of myself."

"Given the circumstances, Jude," Leia said fiercely, "I'd say you can't. You've been out for three whole days! I've been worried _sick_!"

Jude blinked again. "I've been out for... three days?" he asked.

"Yes," his mom said gently. "And you're still not fully better. You're going to have to take your time and recover. You'll be due for another round of artes later this afternoon, to help with the pain. The bullet wound has been repaired, but you lost a lot of blood..." she trailed off, voice wavering.

Jude sighed. "I'm fine, mom. Just..." He shook his head slightly, looking back at Leia. "Alvin's outside?"

"Yes," she grumbled. "I want him to get lost but he just stays out there no matter what."

Jude looked towards the window. "In the rain...?"

"I hope he catches pneumonia and dies," Leia griped.

"Leia," Ellen chastised quietly.

"But, Mrs. Mathis, how can you be so nice to him?! He almost killed Jude!"

Jude propped himself up slightly. "Let him come in."

Both Leia and his mom looked at him.

"Jude, no! He _shot_ you, Jude; he was going to kill you!"

Jude struggled to prop up his pillows, body aching with the movement. "But he... he wants something and he's not going to leave until he gets it, so... he probably... wants to talk to me," he mumbled, leaning heavily against the pillows.

"I don't-" Ellen started, but Jude cut her off.

"Mom, please. You and Dad are going to be right down the hall. He wouldn't try anything now." ... He didn't think.

Leia and Ellen looked at each other before Ellen nodded slightly.

"I'm not letting him in here with him!" Leia exploded. "I want to be in here if he's going to talk to him."

Jude winced from her volume, although tried to ignore the pounding headache throbbing in time with the pain the rest of his body was experiencing. "I'll be fine. Please? Leia?"

Leia stared at him for a long moment before huffing and turning away. "Fine. But I'm going to be right outside!"

"As will your Dad and I," Ellen said. "Just call if you need us."

Jude sighed, closing his eyes as they left his room. This was a nightmare. He found he wasn't so much concerned about Alvin shooting him than about what had happened while he'd been... depressed that had caused all of this in the first place.

There was a knock against the clinic door and the door swung open slowly. "Hey... kid," Alvin greeted, slowly walking into the room. His hair was plastered his head, draping limply into his face and, as he shoved his hands into his pockets, it was apparent that he was soaked to the bone.

Jude stared across the room at him, swallowing. He wasn't exactly scared. No, because Alvin's face was strangely... contrite. Jude hadn't thought he was going to shoot him and he still didn't think that he had meant to.

"Hi," Jude said bluntly.

Alvin cleared his throat. "I..." he trailed off, looking around the clinic room. He cleared his throat again. "Yeah, it's raining out there."

Jude nodded slowly. "Yeah... Noticed. Did... someone give you a towel or... a blanket?

Alvin shook his head. "Nah, I prefer to be soaking wet. Chicks dig that sort of thing."

Jude rolled his eyes. "Pretty sure no one digs you right now, anyway..." he muttered.

Alvin's faint smile fell. "No. No, I don't suppose so." He shuffled his feet. "I'm... yeah, you know..."

Jude raised his eyebrows. "I do?"

Alvin looked at the wall. "I didn't... mean to... I just..." He waved his hand.

"Slipped," Jude supplied.

Alvin sighed, looking back. "I didn't mean anything by it. I swear I didn't. I was... angry and... confused." He raised his hands to his face, rubbing his eyes. "So confused. About all of this with Maxwell and the Lance and then the schism didn't dissolve..." he trailed off.

Jude sighed, slumping back into the pillows more. "We're all confused, but we aren't going around shooting each other. But..." He shrugged slightly. "I forgive you."

Alvin's fingers split and his eyes peered back at him. "You... You're serious?" He dropped his hands. "You're just going to..."

"Forgive you," Jude supplied. "Yeah, because I'm naïve and never learn _not_ to trust people, right?" He shook his head. "It's not okay. But... You seem to think that you can go through life without relying on someone and that's not true, and we need you, Alvin. _You_. Because you're our friend and we need your help if we're going to figure out why this happened with Milla and the Lance..."

Jude paused. " _If_ you can prove to us that we should trust you again," he added, turning over to bury his face into the pillows.

He saw the semi-shocked look on Alvin's face, but didn't comment on it. There was a long pause that was unbroken except for the sounds of work continuing in the clinic outside his room.

"... Right," Alvin said shortly. "Okay. Good." He cleared his throat. "D'you need anything, then?"

Jude re-opened his eyes. "... What?"

"... Medicine or anything. Blankets." Alvin paused. "Actually, I think if I go out there, they'll make me go back outside and I don't really care to get struck by lightning. Might do some damage."

Jude rolled his eyes. "Alvin. Just tell them I said you can stay. Don't try to act like you want to help."

"I do." Alvin stopped. "I mean... I kind of have to do something, don't I?"

"It's not going to make up for the fact you shot me," Jude muttered.

"No... Uh." The floorboards squeaked. "I want to help."

Jude sighed. He didn't know if Alvin was trying to make up for the fact that he'd shot him or if he was doing this for himself so he didn't have to leave, but he was too tired to argue with him anymore. "There's blankets in the hall closet. Go get some for yourself and try to get warm. You can stay in here if you don't cause trouble."

"Cause trouble?" Alvin asked, mockingly. "When do I do that?"

Jude sighed in response.

He heard Alvin leave the room and he didn't hear any subsequent raised voices and the embrace of sleep was calling to him once again. He was vaguely aware of hearing the door open some time later and there was the sensation of something being spread over his person, the blankets being fixed, but he was too tired to question it and drifted off without a word.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not exactly sure if I ship them... okay, no, I guess I don't. I like Jude/Milla, but I love Alvin and Jude's relationship in the game and I love awkward!Alvin.
> 
> (Because his apology to Leia was crap, too.)


	3. Helpfulness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alvin's trying to make up for his mistakes.

Something woke him up. He wasn't exactly sure what, but his mind soon supplied that it was pain. Radiating throughout his entire body, never mind that he'd gotten shot in the stomach. Never mind that he'd been on apparent rigorous arte healing for the past three days. It _still_ hurt.

Jude shifted around with a groan, trying to get himself into a sitting position so that he could swing himself to his feet. His body felt numb and he wanted to make the trip to the bathroom instead of other means.

He paused once he had sat up, out of breath and covered in a fresh layer of sweat. It was only then that he noticed Alvin, sitting on the floor, pressed back into the corner of the room. He was wrapped in a thick, brown blanket, his head slumped against the wall. His eyes were closed and Jude caught his gentle exhales across the room.

He looked exhausted.

For not the first time, Jude wondered what Alvin had been up to since Milla's death. He didn't look like he'd been fairing much better than Jude... although Jude reckoned that everyone was probably doing better than him right now.

With a pained sigh through his teeth, Jude slowly pushed himself to his feet. He swayed immediately and scrabbled for purchase on the bedframe. He ended up awkwardly slumped against the frame and the wall, clinging onto the wallpaper as his heart thudded painfully in his chest. It was taking his body longer than he'd hoped to wake up fully; the gunshot wound was hindering it more than he thought.

Alvin shifted, his head falling down the wall slightly. It fell another few inches and he raised his head blearily, cocoa-colored eyes meeting Jude's across the room. "... Jude?" He blinked slowly before throwing the blanket off, springing to his feet. "Jude. What are you doing? Lay down." His hands curled around Jude's arms and forced him back onto the bed before Jude could gasp out a protest.

Jude sat back on the bed heavily, putting his head in his hands to stifle the vertigo. "I was just..."

"I think I'm the one supposed to be doing for you, kid. Just tell me what you-"

"I was going to the bathroom," Jude interrupted, pressing his fingers against his eyes.

Alvin stopped talking. "... Oh."

"Since I'm conscious," Jude muttered, "anyway."

"I don't think you're gonna make it to the bathroom on your own," Alvin replied.

"It's just at the end of the hall," Jude muttered halfheartedly. He already knew it was a lost battle before it began; he was too wobbly to sustain his own body weight.

"You shouldn't be moving around, anyway."

Jude raised his head, trying to glare. "It's _right down the hall_." Besides, it had been three days and the wound was healed. It was just the ricocheting side-effects he was feeling now, hence the arte therapy.

Alvin shrugged. "Does that mean that you want my help, then?" He looked at him, expression almost unreadable, but almost as though he expected Jude to bite off the said hand he was offering and spit it back out.

Instead, Jude just nodded. "Please."

Alvin moved forward silently, offering his arm to get him back to his feet. Jude felt ridiculous, even moreso when he ended up half slumped against Alvin's side, feeling the waves of body heat through the thin layers of their clothing. He'd ditched his jacket and clothes for what looked like Derrick's clothes, Jude thought, struggling to stand up straighter.

Alvin's face was so intense that Jude almost laughed, but, he realized as they made their slow way down the hall, that Alvin's face was a mixture of annoyance and tentativeness. Jude sighed.

"Why do you hate helping people so much?" he asked, gripping tighter at Alvin's shirt.

"I didn't know I said I didn't."

"I can tell. Your face gives it away," Jude grunted, squeezing his eyes shut briefly.

Alvin tilted his head away. "Having people rely on me... not really my thing."

"I wonder why," Jude muttered. _Maybe because you shoot the people that learn to trust you_ , a little voice added in his head, but he didn't say that out loud. He wasn't naturally vindictive by nature... and besides, he wouldn't admit it, but he was a little bit sad for Alvin.

Alvin was here, trapped in a world that wasn't his home. He'd been caught up in Exodus, he'd gotten tangled up in Jude and Milla's web of lies and failure. He thought that the schism was about to be dispelled, only to be trapped at the last second. It was no wonder he had snapped, although with the way Leia had been glaring at the brunette adult earlier, Jude thought he was maybe the only one thinking about it that way.

"Alright, here, let me get the-" Alvin shifted Jude's weight effortlessly, grabbing the doorknob. "In," he said, gesturing.

"Thanks..." Jude muttered, struggling to find his feet again. He nearly fell over when something caught against the back of his shirt.

"Woah, hang on there, kiddo. I can't have you passing out in the bathroom. I'd be murdered before I could explain," Alvin said. "Your whole family's got it out for my blood, not that I'd blame them, but, that's how it goes."

"Alvin," Jude complained, squinting the darkness before Alvin hit the light. "I can manage."

"I'm here to look after you," Alvin said, like it was the simplest thing in the world. "But I'll turn around to protect your virtue," he added, sarcastic amusement sinking into his tone as he turned around.

"Thanks," Jude said dryly. The press of Alvin's back against his own back wasn't exactly a comfort to his jangled, tensed up nerves, although he guessed if he passed out, at least Alvin would drag him back to his room.

"... How long'd you been awake, anyway?" Alvin asked after a pause of silence.

"Just a few minutes," Jude muttered.

"Oh." Alvin was quiet for another moment. "I didn't mean to fall asleep."

"Yeah, that's fine." Jude cleared his throat and staggered for the sink. "My mom gave you clothes. My father's."

"What?" Alvin glanced at him, his hand falling onto his shoulder. "Oh, yeah. I haven't been able to fit into fifteen-year-old clothes lately."

Jude rolled his eyes. "You're a lot older than me."

"Hey, hey. I'm not _that_ much older."

Jude cracked a smile before he realized he was doing it. "Whatever. Come on." His vision was swimming again. He wondered if he was due up for another round of artes, or if he was up to casting himself. He just wanted to get out of here. He'd sat around for long enough.

"'kay. Want my arm, princess?" Alvin asked, eyes twinkling.

"I just want your help-" In the process it took to blink, his head felt too heavy and his vision darkened around the edges. The floor rushed up to meet him.

"Jude!"

Something caught him halfway - logic said it had to be Alvin, but his brain wasn't working well - lurching him further into the darkness with the sudden jerking motion.

"Jude! Open your eyes. Jude!"

* * *

 

"Why did you even let him-"

"- he's Jude, what do you -"

"- need to -"

"- not leaving him until I know-"

Fragments of conversation, getting progressively louder and more clear, filtered through Jude's unconsciousness. His entire body hurt, and his head was starting to throb with the raised voices.

"... Alvin...?" he mumbled, eyelids fluttering uselessly. The conversation around him stopped. He tried to open his eyes again, managing a little better, blanching when he found his room crowded with people, most who looked angry.

"Don't worry, he's not staying." Leia turned, her hands on her thin hips to glare at Alvin. "There, you see you haven't killed him, now get lost!"

Alvin was leaning against the wall, arms crossed, utter disdain written across his face. He didn't look up at Leia or Jude. "Fine," he said, shoving off from the wall. "If you _really_ want me to leave-"

"We do!"

"Leia-"

"Alvin," Jude interrupted, grabbing Alvin's sleeve weakly as he walked by. Alvin stopped, looking over his shoulder at him, whilst not looking directly _at_ him at the same time. "... Let him stay," Jude muttered. "He was just trying to help..."

"But Jude, he's the reason you're here in the first place!"

Jude winced and coughed, pain washing through his body when it didn't stop. He struggled to catch his breath, and to hang on to Alvin, because if somebody didn't, they wouldn't see him again and Jude didn't want to entertain that right now, who was staring down at him with what looked like fear rooting him in place.

"Everybody out, _now_!" Derrick's commanding voice rose over Jude's coughing. There was no brooking an argument; everyone moved, nurses and all.

"Alvin-" Jude gasped out, losing feel of the fabric of Alvin's sleeve between his fingers in the commotion.

"He'll be right outside," Ellen whispered, smoothing Jude's hair out of his face.

"He has- to stay-" Jude gasped, blackness spotting across his eyes again. "Don't let him-"

"He can stay, sweetie, he'll be here when you wake up..."

He didn't have the breath to argue, but as the glowing light of artes flared up around him, he thought he caught glimpse of Alvin's face in the doorway and Jude thought that, maybe, this was one time where the mercenary wouldn't want to leave at all.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TOX2 comes out soon.
> 
> My love for TOX and Alvin and Jude has been re-instated.
> 
> I do not own _Tales of Xillia_. It belongs to Bandai Namco and all affiliates.


	4. Pivotal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alvin has a decision to make.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I'm sorry, the muse for ToX totally deflated! Now I am replaying the game (again, again) and got the inspiration to finish this! There's going to be an additional short epilogue to follow, so stay tuned if you're interested!

Jude didn't know whether he wanted to laugh or cry when the group showed up on his first day allowed out of the clinic. And they were all there: Leia, Rowen, Elize and Teepo. The only exception to the group was Milla... Milla...

He shook his head. Nope, he wasn't going there. Instead, he smiled weakly at his companions, casting an instinctive glance over his shoulder to look for Alvin.

In the weeks that had followed the shooting, Alvin had taken to being Jude's personal slave - so Leia called him, and Alvin had joined in self-deprecatingly- with surprising dedication. He hadn't left his side, which both irritated Jude as well as secretly pleased him. If Alvin wasn't off galavanting, that was something. As long as Jude knew where he was...

He knew the saying. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...

Well.

He just wanted to believe that Alvin was on the straight and narrow this time. He had to believe; it was his job to believe in everything and everyone, even if no one else did.

Even if Alvin had retreated down the cobblestone streets and was leaning against the fence, arms crossed across his chest and his expression stoic. He hadn't moved since he'd helped Jude stagger outside to find all of their friends, after which he had retreated both into himself and further down the road, evidently awaiting the ramifications of the rest of them being face-to-face with him for the first time since the shooting.

"We're so glad that you're okay," Elize said quietly, as Jude painstakingly stooped to her level to hug her back.

"Thanks, Elize."

Jude was once again reminded of Elize's strength and, after everything that _she_ had gone through, then he had to keep pushing. Not only for himself. For Alvin, for Elize, for Leia and Rowen and Driselle and Cline and Yurgen and all of the Kitarl Clan, Professor Haus and Prinn and - Milla. For all of them.

"Alvin?" Jude said out loud, drawing the mercenary's attention to them.

"Yeah?" Alvin moved away from the fence, meeting Jude's gaze in the group of their onlooking friends. Only looking at him. "What?"

Best to take the leap, Jude thought, rising. "Are you going to-" He swayed slightly from his period of complete inaction to overexertion. Four pairs of hands reached to steady him, but only one got there first, strong yet hesitant hands, black gloves and a brown coat. Jude looked up, ready to thank him, but the gratitude died in his throat as Alvin was studiously not looking at any of them, his hand still gripping onto Jude's shoulder.

The sinking feeling in his stomach was back, and Jude loathed to think what was goint to happen to any of them if they all split up again. But he couldn't keep Alvin with him forever, not of good conscious (not that Alvin deserved good conscious), and not when the man looked not only uncomfortable to be in his own skin at the moment, but uncomfortable to be with _them_.

"... You can take off now," Jude said slowly. "If you wanted..."

Hearing that seemed to sting Alvin almost as much as it did Jude to say it, given the surprised look that crossed the brunette's face. At least Jude had gotten him to look at them all, if only in surprise and only for a minute.

"I don't..." Alvin started, and then stopped.

Jude picked up on it. Hopefully. He knew that he should have learned his lesson, but he hadn't; he wouldn't, it was the way he was and nothing was going to change that. He just wanted him to be happy. He wanted them all to be happy. Problem-solver Jude. He guessed that was what he was. "You want to stay?"

Alvin looked torn, his gaze flicking between Jude's and that of the rest of the party's. Jude was reminded of an injured animal, one that was into a corner for capture, but it was underlaid with a longing that any injured animal never possessed. Maybe part of Alvin wanted to be captured, but- "I..." Alvin faltered again, and in that instant he looked so pathetically lost that Jude no longer felt like the confused fifteen year old. He felt a lot older, no more the wiser, and _exhausted_.

He sighed.

If there was one thing that Alvin could immediately pick up on, though, it was Jude's health in the past weeks. "You should be back in bed, kid," Alvin said, picking up the tone that he always used, the one that made Jude feel talked down to and yet cared for in the same instance.

The rest of the group, who had been studiously silent during Jude and Alvin's conversation, sprang into words as well.

"Alvin is correct," Rowen said. "It would not do for you to wear yourself down on your first day out."

"Are you gonna be okay?"

"I told you have to take this easy, Jude! Ugh. Alvin, help me get him back inside."

"Right."

"Guys-" Jude huffed as he was taken, literally, back towards the doors of the clinic, Alvin at one arm and Leia at the other. "Guys, I'm _fine_."

"Opinion overruled, Jude," Leia retorted. "You're going back to bed and that's that."

He barely got to wave at Rowen and Elize before he was whisked away. He really was too tired to fight them, impossibly still woozy after all the rigorous arte therapy, and he ended up tucked back into bed before he could barely get three words out.

"Sleep," Leia said firmly, no shortage of determination and maybe just a little... humor?

"Leia..." he started, flicking his gaze to their other friend again hovering in the corner. He wanted to tell her _don't let him leave_ , but he had already told him that he could go. He wanted to tell her to convince him to stay, but it had to be on Alvin's shoulders. He had to decide for himself.

Leia smiled softly. "Just sleep, Jude."

Jude turned his head. "It's not that simple."

"I know." Leia paused. "But try, alright? You can't help everyone else if you can't help yourself."

"I know." Gosh, did he know.

* * *

 

"... hasn't been easy finding my old groove again..."

"... you at least feel bad about it, huh?"

"Well... yeah."

Jude was drawn out of his slumber by voices, two in particular that he had gotten very familiar with in past weeks. Some large part of his subconsciousness ordered him to keep his eyes closed and feign sleep. He wasn't sure why at first, and then, suddenly, he was.

"He's doing... okay. Right?" Alvin asked, reluctance deep-set in his tone and yet layered with genuine concern.

"He's alright," Leia acquiesced.

"Yeah... sorry... about... all this," Alvin continued shortly.

"I'm not the one you should be telling that," Leia said.

Alvin heaved a sigh. Jude could practically _hear_ his shoulders slump from across the room. "I know."

"He wants you to stay," Leia continued.

"... I know that, too."

"Well?"

Trust Leia to get right down to the point. It was one of the nice things about her, Jude knew. Sometimes it was blunt and brash, but other times, it hit right where it needed to. And really, what they needed from Alvin was straight answers. Something that they never got.

"I... I don't know."

"How can you not know?"

"I don't, okay?" There was a pause, filled with the movement of weight shifting. "It's not all black and white. I... want to... make things right."

"Well? Then stick with us! Where do you even have to go if you don't?"

"Do you even know exactly where it is you're going?" Alvin fired back, and that was the question of the year. "Or what you're trying to do?"

Even Leia faltered under the direct line of questioning. "No, but..."

It was time to wake up.

"... I'm going to find Maxwell," he said quietly, opening his eyes. Both Leia and Alvin looked surprised, but only one of them looked away afterwards. "I don't know what it'll accomplish... I don't even know how to find him, but... I have to find out why Milla did what she did. Why she... why she had to die the way she did."

Leia nodded. She had barely even heard his thought process, as this was the first time he'd said so much out loud, but she was agreeing almost immediately afterwards. "I want answers about Milla, too. She was our friend, and I want to know who Maxwell thinks he is."

Jude blinked. He was taken aback; after all of his moping, and all of Leia's caretaking that had gone unnoticed by him, she was the first one to agree. He smiled. "... Thanks, Leia."

"Don't mention it! It's not just for you!" she added, turning her nose up in the faux-annoyed way that she did.

Jude couldn't help but laugh.

"What..." Alvin started. He was still staring towards the wall. "What's that going to accomplish?"

"Nothing," Jude said honestly. "Maybe. It might not accomplish anything at all, but... that's what I'm going to do. That's... _my_ mission."

It was the most important thing he had said in a long time and, right then, it felt as though half the weight of the world was gone off his shoulders. He had a mission. He had a purpose. He was going to see it through, with, or without, but hopefully with, the rest of his friends.

Alvin didn't respond, though. His eyebrows were drawn together, and the look on his face would have been frighteningly determined if Jude didn't know him better.

"Leia?" he interrupted. "Can you get me something?"

She stood up. "Anything. What?"

"Uh, I'm kinda thirsty, so... tea, maybe?"

"Right away!" She saluted him with two fingers and bounded out of the room. She seemed... happier than before. Maybe purpose... was all they had really needed in the first place.

"Jude."

Jude looked back at Alvin.

Alvin didn't look up. "... Tell me how you feel."

The initial reaction was to say _relieved_ , but he knew that Alvin wasn't talking about that. He wasn't talking about the mission or his physical health or his mental health. He wasn't talking about any of that; he was talking about _them_.

"Well..." Jude looked at the ceiling. "It's me, right? I was more surprised than anything." _Me and you both._ "But it was me. And that's why I'm okay with you. If it had been anyone else, if it had been Leia... this would be a lot harder." He closed his eyes. "But it isn't. I can forgive you, because it was me. I can only invite you back because it was me... and because you stayed."

"I'm sorry. For this."

"It's alright."

Jude fell silent. He wasn't sure that there was much more to be said. He had said his piece. He wanted Alvin to make his final decision, and obviously he wanted him to choose the right path. But he had answered Alvin's question. He had thought about it a lot over the past few weeks, and he could answer truthfully.

The silence, nonetheless, was stifling.

"Okay, one steaming cup of hot tea- woah, why'd it get all tense?"

"Leia." Alvin stood up. "I know you won't forgive me for what I did to Jude, but I want to come with you to find Maxwell."

Jude's eyes flew open.

"What?" Leia asked.

"I want to stay. If I can. I want to find Maxwell with you. For you guys and... for answers to my own questions, too."

Jude looked at him with wide eyes. He was... staying? He was...

"... We aren't going to be okay with you again, you know. Not entirely."

"Yeah. Fair enough."

"But you can come. If Jude says so." Leia sighed. "Which, I know he does, so I guess that means you can come. But no more chances."

"No more chances," Alvin vowed.

"Now take this tea over to Jude!" Leia demanded, snapping back into a different personality as though the potentially life altering conversation hadn't taken place.

"Haha... right." Alvin crossed the room and took the mug from Leia. "Cheeky teenagers giving me orders... I really am atoning for my sins."

"Darn straight!"

Jude wanted to sigh and laugh and grumble and smile all at the same time; Alvin wasn't his personal servant and yet, maybe things were going back to normal. A new normal. A _permanant_ normal.

He offered a slightly apologetic smile as he took the mug from Alvin, and the smile he got in return was as equally awkward if not unsure.

For whatever reason, Jude thought, Alvin wasn't going to be betraying them any longer.

He'd found the place he belonged, after all.

They'd all found their dysfunctional family, and one trial too many was the glue that would bind them together now.

Maybe there was hope yet. If an Elympion ex-Exodus member could vow loyalty to a group of Rieze Maxians, maybe the world wasn't such a dark place, after all.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Select dialogue in the latter half are quotes from skits and cutscenes in the game itself.]
> 
> Thank you to all the people who have been following this story and asking me to continue it! Your support is much appreciated, even if the time between chapters doesn't seem to reflect it. :p
> 
> As always, I do not own _Tales of Xillia_.


	5. Epilogue - Gratitude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jude and Alvin meet up again, in their new, respective lives.
> 
> [Set during ToX2, although no major spoilers.]

"Hey, Jude, there you are!"

Alvin waved from the bar, and Jude couldn't help but sigh at his enthusiasm. He never thought that he would actually _envy_ Alvin, but in the midst of the battles they were fighting now, he almost kind of did.

But if Alvin could turn himself from a back-stabbing mercenary, then Jude could transform spyrix into spyrite. He would, he _would_.

"Hey, Alvin." He sank into the seat next to the ex-mercenary.

"I didn't think you were gonna show. What can I get you?"

Jude squinted behind the bar. "Uhhh... they probably don't have-"

"Jude, if you're about to say 'tomato juice', I will hate Ludger forever," Alvin interrupted.

Jude's lips pulled into a smile. He knew Alvin's threats were baseless, but he couldn't help but shake his head.

"This is a _bar_. Are you sure you don't want to try Noir Rare?"

"I do not," Jude replied, and went about his order without listening to Alvin's suggestions.

"So, why did you want me to come?" he asked shortly, once they had worked through the small talk of catching up, and Alvin told him about his ventures with Yurgen and Jude told him about his work with Balan. "I mean, you're the last person I expected to see."

"Thanks, Jude," Alvin replied, mock saluting him. "Make a guy feel appreciated. Don't tell me you lost that do-gooder nature of yours."

Jude sighed. Some things never did change. "All I'm saying is that we've only been in contact through letters before now."

"Well..." Alvin dropped his hand back to the bar, reaching for his drink. "We've been busy. Right?" He sipped at it thoughtfully. "I'm glad that we met up like this, though, or we probably wouldn't have ever found the time."

And, in some ways, things had changed impossibly so. Alvin wasn't usually one for deeper lines, like that. It was good to see him develop, but Jude, smiling into his drink, had known that he would from the start.

"... I just wanted to say thanks," Alvin muttered, and that was one statement that startled even Jude's broad imagination.

He looked up at the older man, frowning, eyebrows knitting together beneath tousled hair. "What are you talking about?"

Alvin flashed a grin, and reached over to sling his arm around Jude's shoulders, nearly pulling him from the bar stool. "From pulling me back from the brink, of course." He said it in a teasing tone.

Jude knew every word was true. He closed his eyes, and smiled. "You didn't need me to do that, Alvin. You would have gotten there on your own."

Alvin released him, and shrugged. "Maybe. Maybe not. But you helped me, just like you help everyone else. And I didn't deserve that. Me, least of all. But you still did, so... yeah, thanks."

Jude shook his head. "Everyone deserves a second chance."

Alvin raised his eyebrows. "And a third and a fourth and a fifth?"

Jude frowned. "You know what I mean."

Alvin shrugged. "The point's the same, kid. Just... accept my gratitude, alright?" He rubbed the back of his neck, and looked back at his drink. "I'm not really good at this kind of thing."

Still.

And that was one thing that hadn't changed. Jude smiled despite himself. A serious Alvin was a good start, but an honest Alvin was even better. And maybe Jude had had a hand in... changing him, like Alvin seemed to think, but:

"It wasn't just me, you know," Jude said, raising his glass to his lips. "Milla, and Elize, Leia, and Rowen... Ludger and Elle now. Even Gaius and Muzet, and Yurgen and Isla, and all of the Chimeriad... they made you who are you today, too. So, don't just thank me."

"I know." Alvin looked towards the pictures flickering on the TV screen. "I owe all of you guys."

"We've all grown. For better or worse, no one is unchanging."

"And you're actually talking like a professor." Alvin looked back at him, and he was smiling again, deflecting the heavy atmosphere.

Jude found that he didn't mind.

He felt his ears warm slightly beneath his hair, and huffed over his drink. "I'm not a professor. I'm just trying to do what I think is right."

"Professor Mathis... has a nice ring to it."

Jude laughed to himself, and Alvin laughed at his own joke (a possible truth), and again, Jude was reminded of family, friends, good fortune, and fate. This was what his life had become, and he wouldn't change it for the world.

"You should get something good to drink, lighten up a bit, honor's student!" Alvin thumped him on the back, and Jude inhaled his drink up his nose.

Nope. Wouldn't change it at all.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah man this story had my muse in fits but I have finally finished it :D And, all in all, I, for one, am happy with this. It was touch and go, but it turned out in a way I liked. I hope you all enjoyed it just as much as I did, if not more.
> 
> Thank you all for following this story through the ridiculous hiatus it went through, and I hope you'll continue to look for any future ToX fanfiction I write in the future! :D
> 
> As always, I do not own _Tales of Xillia_. Thanks, all~

**Author's Note:**

> No idea how the updates for this will be... it's touch and go when it's a smaller fandom. Depends on when the muse strikes. Your support is always fuel to the fire, though. I have no idea if anybody would be interested in an idea like this, anyway. Thank you!
> 
> As usual, don't own Tales of Xillia. Rights to their owners.


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